These are a few of my favourite things...

"Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess." So sang Ken Dodd (buck-toothed, Liverpudlian comedian with a penchant for 'tickling sticks' for those not in the know) back in 1964. I felt that, as my previous two posts had been a little less happy, now's the time to balance that equation. 

So, how best to do this? Why, by listing some things that I like, things that make me happy. Some of them might be things that cheer you up too when you're feeling low, though they certainly always bring a smile to my face and make me glad to be  alive. 

There's no particular order to this, and I'm sure there are some that I've forgotten. There are some abstract things, some tangible, but all never fail to raise my spirits when I need it most.

1. My kids. My two beautiful daughters truly are one of the greatest aspects of my life. If ever I feel down they can always put a smile on my face. They have their 'moments' like any children (well, like any people to be fair) but they're my two little rays of sunshine that I couldn't be more proud of.

2. Doctor Who. My one true love, it's been there for me through, births, deaths, marriages and break-ups. It's my one constant, always there to entertain and brighten my life if I ever need a quick pick-me-up. The central conceit is simple yet brilliant, and I can watch it over and over. It brings my inner child to life, all wide-eyed and wondrous, and full of excitement. Even if I know what's going to happen, it doesn't make it any less thrilling.

3. Sunsets/sunrises. A cliche it may be to marvel at the glory of nature, but on a good day, the Sun can truly make the sky magical, dancing with colour and so warming that it can't fail to bring a joyous wonder to those who gaze upon it. Well, myself at least. There's something quite beautiful and poetic about it, and words can't really do it justice.

4. Binge-watching television shows. I won't extol the virtues of this too much as my last past was all about this, suffice to say that the 'oh, just one more episode...' lure is completely irresistible. Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Hannibal, Fringe...many many more than this too, and rather fine series all.

5. Writing. In my head, my mind is always running through ideas and characters, even if they don't always translate to paper. The act itself is sometimes painful, sometimes less so. But I have to do it, I can't not. And when the finished product stares up at me from the page/screen, I know it's definitely been worth it.

6. Friends. No, not the TV show (though that has its place), but my supportive and rather splendid circle of chums. Always there to have a laugh with, be a shoulder to (metaphorically) cry on and generally just be available whenever they're needed. I'm very lucky to have them.

7. Sleep. That blessed time at the end of the day when the world can stop for a few hours and much needed rest flows over you. Perhaps the moment just as sleep is coming would be a better choice, as that moment of peace and relaxation is the most needed and valued part of the day.

8. Love of a good woman. Yes, things don't always work out as they should, but when they do....There's no better feeling than holding someone close, and telling each other just how you feel, your heart soaring and a huge smile both within and without. The reassuring thought is that what once was lost can be found again elsewhere, and could surpass that which has gone. Currently? Well, that would be telling...

9. Clean sheets. The smell and feel of nice, clean, crisp bedsheets is a small but significant happy feeling. There's something very comforting falling into a bed that you know is clean and soft as smells nice. 

10. Cheese. Very Wallace and Gromit I know, but specifically cheddar cheese. My tastes are simple, but mature cheddar is a thing of beauty and is incredibly versatile. Mozzarella and Parmesan would find their way here too, but it's cheddar that's my true love. 

So, an eclectic mix, but all things that make me happy in different ways. I'm sure there'll be a follow up list at some point, when I recall all those other things I've missed this time, but for now, this is it. 

Now, how many will I get to experience today....? 

Binge-watching

Binge-watching. The term itself doesn't sound particularly appetising, as if you're the spectator at some eating/drinking contest, waiting for some especially unpleasant outcome from one of the participants. The application of the phrase though couldn't be further from the hideous freak-show that its name conjures up.

In the past few years I've had - as many others can no doubt empathise with - my fair share of emotional setbacks. Deaths, relationship break-ups, and just plain old misfortune to categorise under 'other'. Yet, one thing that makes each of these negative times that much more bearable is the wonder that is the TV show 'binge-watch'.

Back in the olden days when DVDs were some futuristic and unimaginable concept, the only way we youngsters had of rewatching anything was through the humble VHS tape. Ah, those halcyon days of yore, when you had to fast forward rather than skip to a particular scene....Anyway, I digress. The point that I'm trying to make is that the term didn't exist back then because the very notion of watching a whole series was almost unthinkable. VHS tapes weren't cheap by any means, and actually being able to acquire an entire series of anything was enough to require a vast loan or second mortgage in order to do so. A slight exaggeration perhaps, but it illustrates the point that in that respect, right now we really have never had it so good.

DVDs, BluRays, streaming. Anything you want at the touch of a button. And not just at home, oh no. I'm typing this on my phone, but I could just as easily be watching a movie or TV show.

Which brings me back to my initial point - binge-watching. Technology is now at that point whereby whatever you want is available with a figurative click of the fingers (and how long before even that becomes a real possibility?). 

And by God, it's an incredibly effective therapy for melancholy! 

Thanks to these wonders of technology, I've negotiated the emotional minefield of my latest break up by immersing myself in The X Files (all nine seasons), Quantum Leap, Daredevil and Hannibal. All of these are grounded in reality, but different enough to take me away from all my troubles (to slightly mis-quote another TV show's theme song). With DVD box sets and streaming sites, the power lies with the individual and their own willpower. More often than not I would have days where there was little I wanted to do, save for sit and watch something, to pull myself out of my funk and into an escapist realm to reinvigorate senses in danger of being dulled by unhappiness.

And it worked. As it had done before. I lost two family members last year, and comedy was my escape then, throwing myself into The Office US and Parks and Recreation. It didn't make me mourn any less, but it made me appreciate life and what it still offered in spite of my loss. It sounds a very airy thing to say, but the fact that I could still laugh made me realise that everything would be ok.

Before that, previous break-ups had led me to immerse myself in the fantastical worlds of Fringe and Game of Thrones, and each time the result was the same: I knew that things would be ok, and by giving all my energies to those shows, I wasn't sitting and wallowing in my own misery, which could easily have been the case.

Escapism isn't the complete solution, by no means, and I wouldn't suggest that it is. Mourning is important, but staying in the phase too long is unhealthy and destructive. Binge-watching (or marathoning should you prefer) has web and will continue to be an effective tool for me to excise my demons and move on from my grief. It gives me focus and purpose, investing my feelings in the life of those characters playing out their stories, rather than trying to do so with people in my life who have moved on.

So take heart, and binge-watch! Even if you're not going through any times of mourning, it's still a fantastically immersive experience, and I'd highly recommend giving it a try. 

Break-ups and social media

So, social media. There's a thing. Recently, I underwent a break-up. Two months ago in fact, but it doesn't make it any easier. Feelings remain raw, and the one thing that makes it even worse than you thought it could be? Social media. 

Today, after an acrimonious act, I decided to vent my frustration on social media. All well and good I thought. Until, inevitably, someone (one of my ex's sisters) decided to send a retaliatory message. I wasn't expecting it, nor was it welcome. I was merely expressing my feelings at that time into a public forum. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. It was neither the time nor the place for me to do so, and I have since deleted the offending message. Yet, at the time it felt right, it felt important to express myself in such a way. And that, ultimately, is the downside of social media. 

Immediacy. That's exactly what it offers, for good or for ill. More often than not, the latter is true, which is quite a damning indictment of the medium. I've been guilty of it on more than one occasion, and I'm sad that that is the truth of the matter. Though one of the worst and most inflammatory of all those methods is via the humble text message. 

Ah, the text. That was, truth be told, one of the reasons behind the downfall of my last relationship. Don't get me wrong, I loved my ex, really loved her. But then came the texts, mostly from me. Sometimes after alcohol had been imbibed, sometimes not. Either way, they didn't always come out right. Sometimes the intonation couldn't be understood, sometimes the wording was not as accurate as it could be. And sometimes I was just a prick. And I'm sorry. Really sorry. If my ex is somehow reading this, I am sorry, I really am. You deserve far better than me, and I've no doubt you will find that. 

Yet, aside from texts, what else caused me to go off the rails? Facebook. That's a big one. Only the other day I saw that my ex was out with - as it transpired - a male friend. And what did I do? Assumed the worst. Assumed she had already found someone else, so soon after we had broken up. Which she has every right to, and I have no cause to complain at all. What did I do? I texted her. And I was stone cold sober, which makes it even worse. Jealousy had reared its ugly head, and I don't know why. I don't want to get back together with her, I don't think in the long term that we're especially compatible. Yet, there I was, jealous of her (imagined in my own mind) happiness. And I had no right to rain on her parade, none at all. Though that's exactly what I did. And what, pray tell, was the outcome of that little outburst? Why, I was blocked on Facebook. And on WhatsApp (which was also indicative that my phone number had been blocked). Due to this, the aforementioned 'acrimonious act' occurred, and hence my outburst on social media. All a nasty, vicious cycle, which could have been avoided if social media hadn't been involved. Or if I hadn't been involved. 

So, is it the fault of social media or the individual? In my mind, they're parasitic. One feeds off the other, leeching negative feeling and manifesting itself in the worst possible way. The best thing to do is stay away from it, or block people early on if you must still use social media. I didn't do that, and I regret it immensely. I don't want to be abhorred by any of my exes, and so far I don't seem to have been. This time there's a very real danger of that happening, and it's all my fault. I'm hoping, in time, it'll get easier and we can repair the friendship that we had before. But I have no idea if that will happen. I hope it will, but only time will tell. There's no real contact between us now (I've blocked the other social media sites that she hasn't), so maybe that will help. I don't like animosity, and I hate arguing with anyone, so I'm optimistic. I'm not under any illusions that it will happen soon, but maybe, just maybe, a few months down the line it will. 

And that will be in spite of - not because of - social media.