Today, after an acrimonious act, I decided to vent my frustration on social media. All well and good I thought. Until, inevitably, someone (one of my ex's sisters) decided to send a retaliatory message. I wasn't expecting it, nor was it welcome. I was merely expressing my feelings at that time into a public forum. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. It was neither the time nor the place for me to do so, and I have since deleted the offending message. Yet, at the time it felt right, it felt important to express myself in such a way. And that, ultimately, is the downside of social media.
Immediacy. That's exactly what it offers, for good or for ill. More often than not, the latter is true, which is quite a damning indictment of the medium. I've been guilty of it on more than one occasion, and I'm sad that that is the truth of the matter. Though one of the worst and most inflammatory of all those methods is via the humble text message.
Ah, the text. That was, truth be told, one of the reasons behind the downfall of my last relationship. Don't get me wrong, I loved my ex, really loved her. But then came the texts, mostly from me. Sometimes after alcohol had been imbibed, sometimes not. Either way, they didn't always come out right. Sometimes the intonation couldn't be understood, sometimes the wording was not as accurate as it could be. And sometimes I was just a prick. And I'm sorry. Really sorry. If my ex is somehow reading this, I am sorry, I really am. You deserve far better than me, and I've no doubt you will find that.
Yet, aside from texts, what else caused me to go off the rails? Facebook. That's a big one. Only the other day I saw that my ex was out with - as it transpired - a male friend. And what did I do? Assumed the worst. Assumed she had already found someone else, so soon after we had broken up. Which she has every right to, and I have no cause to complain at all. What did I do? I texted her. And I was stone cold sober, which makes it even worse. Jealousy had reared its ugly head, and I don't know why. I don't want to get back together with her, I don't think in the long term that we're especially compatible. Yet, there I was, jealous of her (imagined in my own mind) happiness. And I had no right to rain on her parade, none at all. Though that's exactly what I did.
And what, pray tell, was the outcome of that little outburst? Why, I was blocked on Facebook. And on WhatsApp (which was also indicative that my phone number had been blocked). Due to this, the aforementioned 'acrimonious act' occurred, and hence my outburst on social media. All a nasty, vicious cycle, which could have been avoided if social media hadn't been involved. Or if I hadn't been involved.
So, is it the fault of social media or the individual? In my mind, they're parasitic. One feeds off the other, leeching negative feeling and manifesting itself in the worst possible way.
The best thing to do is stay away from it, or block people early on if you must still use social media. I didn't do that, and I regret it immensely. I don't want to be abhorred by any of my exes, and so far I don't seem to have been. This time there's a very real danger of that happening, and it's all my fault. I'm hoping, in time, it'll get easier and we can repair the friendship that we had before. But I have no idea if that will happen. I hope it will, but only time will tell. There's no real contact between us now (I've blocked the other social media sites that she hasn't), so maybe that will help. I don't like animosity, and I hate arguing with anyone, so I'm optimistic. I'm not under any illusions that it will happen soon, but maybe, just maybe, a few months down the line it will.
And that will be in spite of - not because of - social media.
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